Non-existant

Diet and exercise has literally been non-existant since I got back from vacation. I can't believe it will be the third week since I have been back.

I also decided to start fertility treatments and so far, they are not working. I feel incredibly vulnerable, angry, sad, and feel like the world is working against me.

I guess there's not much else to say. I just hope I can buckle down next week and at least start walking after work.

The Weekend was Crap

Well the weekend was crap. I ate too much.

Friday evening: Pizza Hut

Saturday: Starbucks: Mango smoothie and salted caramel square; McDonald's: two Mediterranean snack wraps; Dairy Queen: dip cone.

Sunday: Leftover pizza, popcorn, Peanut Butter Rolo ice cream.

Not my best days I tell you.

Now I am back on the bandwagon. I hope I have the cravings for junk food out of my system!

If only I could now get up early and work out! Somehow I feel like giving up now that the trip is over. But I need to keep it up because of *my health* and I need to take care of myself. What worked for me before leaving was making a checklist of items that I had to do every day before going to sleep.

Here's a sample checklist before I left on vacation:

- exercise Shred DVD
- exercise Kickbox DVD
- drink 2 or more bottles of water
- walk after work
- exfoliate lips and elbows
- cream on cuticles
- floss and brush

It's seems like such a chore now!

Not going well

I'm still feeling exhausted from the trip. I haven't been able to start working out yet, I think because of the humidity here. It's sooo hot and I am using it as an excuse. Also, I have been eating really badly especially during lunch. Before I know it, I know I will end up gaining weight :( My appointment with the fertility specialist is July 31st.

While in San Diego, we discovered a lot of interesting snacks. At a grocery store called "Lucky" we found some dried mango covered in chili, some tamarind covered in chili, some lay's chili chips, and lay's chili and lime chips. Also found a pack of 4 cans of fanta for $0.89. How wonderful were these buys!? The husband and I are taking a couple chips per night and 1 piece of dried mango. We are trying to make it last as long as possible!

Back from Vacation

So I am back from vacation. What an amazing time in California: perfect weather, perfect beaches. An annoying family who overfed us. It seemed like they did it on purpose!!

I am going to be overly critical of myself. Just a warning.

When I left for vacation on June 15th in the morning, I was 162 pounds. I was never so happy to see a number in my life. Unfortunately, I knew it would go up during the time off. And yes, it did. I weighed myself when we got back on July 1, and I am back up to 173 pounds. How sad that in a mere 2 weeks I can gain more than 10 pounds. I suppose it could have been worse though.

I looked at pictures from the trip and cannot believe how hideous and fat I look. Why is my upper body so fat?? My arms are gigantic! I think I should get lipo or something. Oh sigh. :( I am sad. And my body feels totally broken that I can't even work out anymore.

Here's a pic from San Diego with Tijuana in the background, one of the very few good pics.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Well folks, I won't be in the office for the next couple days while I wrap up stuff before leaving on vacation. I have a lot of things to do...and not looking forward to it all. I also didn't sleep well last night, I think it was too hot yesterday. I was literally dripping in sweat all night. I hate the humidity here. My hair is looking horrible for the past month.

Anyways, I am meeting my blog friend tonight. I'm worried she is going to judge me because I am so hideous and she is so gorgeous. I am wearing horrible clothes and it's raining. I look like a wreck. I have a little present for her so I hope she likes it.

This is my last entry for this month and I promised a weigh in. Here goes: 167 pounds. I know, it sucks. I have been "stressed" and therefore eating like a cow. I suspect this number will go up during the next two weeks. I always feel grumpy when I'm on vacation and my stomach isn't full. It's weird.

Hope everyone has a nice June, and see you in July! Drip sweat!

Disastrous Weekend

Well the weekend was crap. I ate a lot of food yesterday.

I had cheetos, fettucine alfredo, mint klondike bars, harveys for lunch, and then mango smoothie from booster juice. I ate a lot of food. I'm surprised I ate that much...Actually it was my day of freedom as the husband left for his work trip. I miss him already.

Anyways, only 3 days until I leave and we meet for our trip. I need to do a lot of cleaning before I leave...and I am meeting my friend tomorrow. Yay. I hope she doesn't think I'm weird ;)

TGIF

Finally it's Friday!! This was a very long week. Thankfully the lunch for the old Director was cancelled so I don't need to worry about going out and eating something unhealthy!!

Unfortunately, the past few days have been really bad. Yesterday I had shawarma sandwich with potatoes and a sprite (didn't finish the drink though) for lunch, a samosa, and some cake as an afternoon snack. In the evening, I had some samples from costco, then when we got home, some popcorn, oatmeal, ice cream and half a package of licorice. I think I got the junk food out of my system. I also think I know what happened: my period started! Totally craving sweets all day!!

Back on track today! I worked out this morning and was "dripping sweat" as Jillian Michaels likes to say. I am going to keep it up all week and I'm very excited for it. I discovered a new DVD and I'll write more about it next week.

Keep up the good work everyone and have an excellent weekend! I'm going to try to avoid getting on the scale from now on. Seeing that number just brings me down. I think I should be able to guage inch loss by how many holes I can skip in my belt!!

Something I realized this week: I don't take care of myself. I wonder why? Maybe I feel like I am not worth it. These kinds of feelings have been ingrained into me since childhood. I am terrified of doing the same to my own future children.